Happy New Years Everyone!
As most do, I took the last few days to reflect and set my intentions for the future, bla, bla bla.
I came to a simple revelation – having a phenomenal year is a choice, not chance…even more, it’s a DAILY choice. The things we chose to think, do and be (on a daily basis) dictates how our year, and sequentially, our lives will be.
5 things came up for me. Over the next few posts, I’ll share them with you…but here’s the first – I can do anything I want, I just need help
I got put in time out yesterday
Some may feel this is a little ‘harsh’, but it’s what I’ve chosen for my children and I stand behind my choice.
I don’t allow them to use the phrase “I can’t” – even to the point of putting them in time out when they do. The other option they have is to say, “I need help”.
My belief is that with the right tools, information, resources, man power, etc (i.e. help), we can do anything we want – ANYTHING.
Well, as with any 3-year-old, my daughter Aria regurgitates everything she hears. Yesterday I said I couldn’t do something….and you guessed it, she put me in time out.
And I went!
And I stayed there.
I stood in the corner and had to face the harsh reality that I hold my children to a standard that I don’t even hold myself.
I was forced to think of all the things I’ve convinced myself that I “couldn’t” do…all the things I’ve made excuses for, all the times I’ve rationalized why I accepted less for myself.
How could I ask them to live powerfully when I was living from ‘excuses’ and ‘self-imposed limitations’?
In my ‘adult mind’, I had come up with every reason to justify why I’m no doing what I ‘want’ to do…don’t have what I want to have and not living how I want to live.
Oh….I came up with so many reasons.
I don’t have a high school diploma, I’m Black, I’m short, I’m not smart enough…the list goes on.
I had gotten so good at convincing myself of the BS that I had start convincing other people of the same so I could get them to participate in justifying why I’m not doing what I need to be doing.
Fortunately, I have friends that “don’t believe the hype” and see right through my crap. They constantly remind me of how great I am and don’t allow me to participate in such ridiculous conversations.
Problem solved right?
I was “smart” enough to just stop calling them…so I could be ‘right’ about why I can’t do what I want to do.
I was able to continue convincing myself without their ‘interruptions’ – Ha, Ha, Haaaa! I had them fooled!
But I didn’t have one person fooled – Aria. And I’m sure if Avery was old enough, he would have done the same. Obviously, I’m with my kids every day. I couldn’t ‘hide’ from them and thankfully my smart-mouthed daughter had enough sense to kick me in the butt and force me to see who I was being. Thank you
So, where does this leave me?
Recognizing that I have an obligation to be 100% of who I say I am if I intend my children to do the same. But even more so, for myself.
Knowing that I can do anything I want…
I CAN do anything I want
I can do ANYTHING I want – I just need help.
Asking for help
Asking for help can be challenging at times. Especially for a man… even more so for a Black man. We are not taught how to ask for help. Partially because there weren’t many options for getting it, but I don’t ever remember anyone telling me it’s okay to ask for help.
Intellectually I know I should ask for assistance, but I haven’t taken it on as a part of my reality.
I’ve only asked for help when it I was in dire straits…and even then, it was practically forced on me.
Which in hindsight is pretty ridiculous. I can imagine all the self-limiting emotions like pride and self-righteousness, etc were impacting my choices, but that’s for another story.
The bottom line is that I realize how ridiculous it is now and I’m choosing to do something different.
The key to asking for help is knowing what you need help with and being free enough (confident in yourself) to ask for help….and asking until you get the help you need. With Facebook, LinkedIn and a host of other social networks, we live in a world of 1 degree of separation….I like what a woman said recently, 1 degree of closeness….we have access to an entire world of resources. If for some really weird reason I wanted to get in touch with Lady Gaga this week, I’m sure I could.
With this access to resources, there’s no reason any one of us wouldn’t be able to do absolutely anything.
Today, in this moment, I’m choosing to live with no limits, no excuses…and ask for help when I need it.