"Built In" Psychologist

True Friends are like built in psychologists…only without the drugs.

I came a cross a study that said less than 5% of suicide victims had two or more close friends. There were a lot of interesting things that came from the study, but one of the broad stroke conclusions I came to is that people who have regular communication with others tend to be less depressed and less tendency to have chronic illnesses, etc.

I have a great friend named Feb. She’s wonderful. I can talk to her about ANYTHING…we’ve talked about everything from politics to private parts. She gives it to me like it is – from a place of love and non-judgment. She’s like a built in therapist.

She’s given me some really great insights, but even when she doesn’t, the ability to verbalize the challenges I’m going thru has helped tremendously…I’ve answered a lot of my own questions just by saying them aloud.

The biggest challenge for most is that we don’t open ourselves to talking to others. We shut ourselves off from the world and ‘try to fix our own problems’. This NEVER works. Though some may think it does, it doesn’t. They continue getting the same results time in and time out.

Friends open the door to the ‘answers’ we’re seeking. They hold the key to our growth – if we allow ourselves that opportunity.

I’m not afraid of what Feb thinks of me when I’m speaking to her…and she’s feels the same. That’s what allows us the ability to ‘let it all hang out’ and that’s why we can REALLY grow from out relationship. She can tell me when I’m being an a-hole” from a place of love.

These types of relationships are rare but vitally important to our sanity. Trying to ‘go at it alone’ isn’t the way were designed as human beings…that’s why, unlike other animals, we have the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings.

If you don’t have any friends, make them.

I know you’re probably saying, “…but Antonio, that’s so much easier said than done…” Is it really? Or is the real issue your fear of being judged by others? Or your unwillingness to BE a friend?

I’m not suggesting that you just run out and find the first person you meet and say, “let’s be friends…” However I am asking that you ‘et go of the thought that it’s “hard” to meet a good friend.

You may also be saying, “I tried to have a friend like that and they betrayed me/hurt me/used me, etc…” 2 things: 1) That was the past. 2) You can’t predict the future… so you have no idea if it’s going to be done to you again.

But here’s a piece of you future I can predict: If you don’t put yourself out there and attempt to have friends, you never will. That’s a fact.

No, you don’t know who’s going to betray you, but if you put forth the intention that only the people who are going to love and support you will show up in your life, then that’s what you’ll get. Additionally, I’ll ask you to consider this: If you attract people who betray or hurt you, take a look in the mirror…ask yourself why you’re attracting them.

Practical Application

1) Be a friend, and a friend will show up.

2) Be a friend. I don’t want you to think I mistakenly typed “be a friend” twice…because I didn’t. It’s VERY important that you be a friend to the people who show up in your life, and that means listening without judgment, being vulnerable, lending a helping hand, etc.

Your life may depend on it 🙂

One thought on “"Built In" Psychologist

  • August 25, 2007 at 5:24 pm
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    Hi Antonio,

    This post is spot on.

    I thought you were actually going to talk about a “Built In” Psychologist as in your own feelings or your self-talk or something like that. Those are important too.

    But having a person who is willing to be honest with you is crucial.

    As a doctor I find that people often try to put me in that role, because they don’t have such a person in their lives already. It’s unfortunate, and as you say, unnecessary too, because they can change this for themselves.

    Keep reminding us all Antonio!

    Regards,

    Dr Martin Russell
    http://www.DrMartinRussell.com

    Reply

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