Do you get upset when someone treats you poorly? Feelings of anger are normal and even appropriate at times. However, it’s important to deal with anger effectively. Uncontrolled anger can create additional burdens on your relationships and in your life.
If your anger is getting the best of you, investigate a few alternatives to help keep it under control.
Try these techniques to deal with anger in a positive manner:
- Begin to deal with anger when you first notice it. It’s much easier to control any emotion at the onset. As you become more stimulated, it’s more challenging to think clearly and rationally. Notice when you’re starting to become upset and you can stop anger in its tracks.
- Count to 10 and breathe. Giving yourself a moment to gather your thoughts can help to defuse the situation. Take the time you need. There’s nothing wrong with taking a short timeout.
- Avoid saying anything while in an angry state. Speaking while in a negative mental state can create further challenges. Remember all the times you wish you’d kept quiet instead of lashing out. Think before speaking and you’ll save yourself a lot of apologizing later.
- Focus on solutions. Whatever we focus on tends to expand. Directing your focus to finding an answer to the issue increases the odds of a positive resolution.
- Distract yourself. The might be seen as avoiding the situation, but focusing on something else for a while can overcome anger enough to permit seeing things more clearly. Choose to think about something that makes you happy.
- When your emotions are settled, you can return to the situation with a renewed ability to gain peace.
- Put a smile on your face. Emotions follow action. Smiling is your choice. If you smile, you’ll feel better and be in a more useful mental state for finding a solution.
- Seek to understand those who have angered you. If you understand the reasons the other person angered you in the first place, you might find it was just a simple misunderstanding. It’s also possible you made a mistake and can then rectify it.
- Be certain you have a valid reason for your anger. You might find there’s no reason to be angry at all.
- Apply logic to the situation. Consider the likely outcome of being angry. Is it really going to help you? Is the situation likely to improve or get even worse? Seeing the negative outcome of continuing with your anger might be enough to put a stop to it.
- Make peace the priority. As the saying goes, “You can be right or you can be happy.” A feeling of equanimity trumps anger every time. Value your peace of mind more than you value your ego or holding on to negative feelings.
- Consider the impact on your relationship. When we say or do things in anger, it’s not always possible to take them back because the damage has already been done. Your relationship is more important to you than the issue causing the anger.
- With your spouse, child, significant other, close friend, or other loved one, keep the fact that you love them at the forefront of your mind, even in a disagreement. It will help you think more clearly about the issue.
- It’s important to maintain positive relationships with your boss and coworkers. Consider the consequences that your anger could have on your job.
Anger is a normal emotion, yet has the power to be very destructive. There are many ways to deal with anger effectively and peacefully. Focus on understanding and finding solutions to upsetting situations.
From fast food to instant contact via email and Smartphones, we are surrounded with products and services that provide instant gratification. The drawback to all of this instant service is that it can lead to unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others and destroys our capacity for patience.
Most of us are familiar with the frustration that begins to grow inside of us whenever we have to wait – for anything. Over time, this frustration causes our stress levels to build and can lead to a short temper along with increased blood pressure!
Try these methods to increase your patience and reduce stress:
- Take a step back. The next time that you feel frustrated over a delay or other situation, try taking a step back and looking at the issue from a different angle.
- Stewing over the circumstances isn’t helpful to anyone. Focusing on finding a solution helps your brain change gears so that you feel less stressed. It’s also easier to remain patient when you believe that a resolution is on the horizon.
- Obstacles come in many forms, from physical circumstances that prevent us from moving forward to intangible circumstances and external influences that can cause delays. Regardless of the circumstances, try looking at all aspects of the situation in order to find a solution that helps you get past the obstacle.
- Focus on what you’ve achieved. Many of us naturally begin to feel impatient if we’re making slow progress towards our goals. Rather than thinking about what you haven’t accomplished so far and how far you have to go, focus on the progress that you have made.
- Maintain your motivation and build your patience by celebrating small victories as you work towards the fulfillment of your goal.
- Take a few deep breaths when you find yourself feeling anxious about your slow progress.
- Gentle exercises that focus on stretching and breathing, such as yoga and meditation, can also help you to remain calm and patient as you work towards a goal.
- Set realistic expectations. Sometimes we become impatient with ourselves and others because we have unrealistic expectations. The next time you start to stress over a delay or other obstacle, try to be more flexible with your schedule and expectations. Consider a range of results or behaviors that would be acceptable to you.
- Identify your triggers and develop a plan to remain calm. Everyone has certain triggers – people, places, or things – that make them feel impatient and stressed. Figure out your most common triggers and think of ways that would help you successfully cope with them.
- Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at little delays and frustrations. Make up a joke about some aspect of the situation and enjoy a chuckle. You’ll feel your stress begin to melt away.
As you use these tips to build your patience and reduce your stress, you’ll learn how to pick your battles wisely and maintain your self-control in the face of delays.
When you think about goals, you may tend to focus on performance goals. However, there are advantages to looking beyond immediate results. Consider how learning and behavior goals can strengthen your abilities and enrich your life.
Basic Principles Behind Learning and Behavior Goals
- Enjoy the journey. While performance goals target outcomes, learning and behavior goals are more concerned about the process. You pay attention to how you approach a complex task rather than tracking just the final results.
- Focus on knowledge and strategy. Learning goals make sense when you need to ensure that you’re equipped for what you have in mind. For example, it takes more than effort and persistence to build an app. You would need to master design and programming, or work with someone who has a development background.
- Develop personal qualities. Similarly, your objective may be to reinforce personality traits and values that you find admirable. For example, looking at your life as a whole may reveal that you would benefit from being more patient or proactive.
- Reduce setbacks. Performance goals usually help us to work harder, but sometimes they can backfire if we’re being pushed beyond our current abilities. Learning goals protect us from becoming burned out or cutting corners.
- Invest your resources. Picking up news skills and knowledge requires time and effort. It may take a while to see changes.
- Think creatively. One of the most beautiful things about learning and development goals are the opportunities they create. You are free to use your imagination and be innovative. Look for multiple ways to approach a project. Experiment with new and interesting methods.
- Branch out. While you can probably find more variety in your familiar routines, take advantage of the potential to venture into new areas. If you’ve been working in accounting for years, find out what it’s like to study acting or botany. Use your free time for volunteer work that deepens your compassion or creative projects that bring out your artistic side.
How to Apply Learning and Behavior Goals in Specific Situations
- Coordinate your work. You may not need much original thought to complete routine paperwork, but extra time training could enhance your long term performance.
- Care for your health. Increase your chances of leading a long and active life by staying informed about exercise, nutrition, and medical news.
- Manage your finances. The more you know about money, the better prepared you are to deal with whatever happens in the global economy. Keep up on industry trends and investment opportunities. Examine your attitude towards material goods and simplify your level of consumption. Develop a mindset for adding to your savings on a regular basis.
- Enhance your relationships. Our interactions with others can be full of surprises, but we can make a commitment to being compassionate and communicating skillfully. Ask a trusted friend for feedback or consult a counselor if there are areas where you think you need help.
- Encourage your children. Instill a love for learning in your children. Let them know they’re winners each time they rise to a challenge.
Think outside the box in order to enhance your knowledge and skills. Supplement performance goals with behavior and learning goals that will strengthen your capacity to excel at a wide range of personal and professional activities.
Does your heart begin to race at the thought of having to stand in front of an audience and speak? Do you get cold chills or avoid eye contact when you meet new people? These signs are common symptoms of social anxiety. If you are uncomfortable in social situations, you’re not alone.
Concerns about public speaking, visiting new places, or meeting new people are common fears. According to a 2013 study widely reported in the London Times, most of us fear speaking in public more than we do dying or going to the dentist!
Luckily, there are positive ways to cope with the anxiety you feel in social situations.
Try these steps to build your courage and defeat your social fears:
- Practice positive visualization. Many of the fears that we face in social situations involve imagining the worst thing that might happen. Practice imaging the best thing that could happen the next time you feel nervous in a social situation.
- When you replace a fear with a positive vision, you put the power of your subconscious mind to work for you rather than against you.
- Avoid stimulants. Caffeine, sugar, and other stimulants can all increase the amount of anxiety you can feel during a social situation. Limiting their intake and following a healthy diet will increase your sense of wellbeing.
- Try to get a good night’s sleep the evening before an upcoming social event. You’ll be well rested and less prone to anxiety the next day.
- Avoid the temptation to drink alcohol excessively at social events as it can contribute to feelings of anxiety and stress.
- Learn to relax. Discover how to focus on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths and consciously relax your muscles.
- Yoga, Tai-Chi, and meditation are all excellent disciplines that can help teach you how to relax and naturally lower your anxiety levels.
- Practice interacting with others. You can feel more confident by practicing what to say and do in various social situations.
- Get started by asking a close friend or loved one to help you practice saying hello, shaking hands, smiling, and making eye contact with others. As you gain confidence from these short interactions, slowly increase the number and duration of your social encounters.
- Focusing on others in social situations will also help reduce your stress.
- Repeat positive affirmations. Rather than focusing on the things that you feel are flawed about yourself, focus on your positive qualities and traits.
- There is incredible power in the spoken word! Create your own affirmations by making lists of your positive traits and repeating them out loud to yourself each day.
- Examples of affirmations to decrease your anxiety are statements such as: “I can handle any social situation because I am brave,” or, “I enjoy meeting new people and interacting socially with others.”
It can be difficult to cope with social anxiety, but it is not an impossible task. The more you practice these methods, the easier it will be to overcome your anxiety and begin to enjoy social situations.